KakuHida - Uke?

Uke!!?

Two large, pools of purple. Lilac, with tinges of mauve, specks at random. Shining, smiling, with each a perfectly round, black dot in the middle.

Yes, Kakuzu was staring up into Hidan’s perfectly purple eyes.

…Hold on a moment. REWIND THAT.

Seyeelprupyltceferps’nadiHotniPU-STOP.

REPLAY. UP!!? Kakuzu, uke!?
-----
Hidan plopped down on the couch beside Kakuzu.

“Man what the hell is this shit!!? Give me the remote control asshole!”

“Firstly, this is NOT shit, Oprah happens to be my favorite talk show host of all time.”

Hidan chocked on his Ribena, squirting a relatively large amount out of his nose and into his lap. Eww.

“Secondly, I’m not going to give you the remote because you will watch brainless things like TYRA BANKS. “ Kakuzu clutched the remote closer to his chest, shooting Hidan a death glare. Tyra Banks over Oprah! Who could believe it!

Hidan slammed his glass of Ribena onto the table. His eyelids turned his pretty purple eyes into slits.

“What…did…you…say…about…Tyra…Banks…” Hidan hissed, voice going dangerously low.

“The…Tyra…Banks…Show…Is…Brainless!” Kakuzu dragged every last word out. Especially “Brainless”.

Upon hearing the word “Brainless” being dragged out so elaborately, Hidan immediately jumped into attack-stance, before swinging his scythe at the miser’s chest, hoping to bust the remote control into a million pieces! Hahaha!

…Unfortunately, Kakuzu being 70 years older, wiser and stronger, caught the scythe with much ease and using this, pulled Hidan, kicking and screaming, into his arms before smashing him head first into the couch.

Sasori who just so happened to be walking towards the kitchen at that point in time came at the exact moment were Kakuzu and Hidan looked like the-they we-were –

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that.”  Sasori stalked off.

“Damn you Kakuzu.” Hidan struggled under Kakuzu’s hold. Kakuzu had Hidan nicely pinned under him on the couch. What a perfect afternoon this was turning out to be!

“Ackk…Okay okay, ‘kuzu! Geddoff!” With one final push, Hidan managed to get Kakuzu off his, uh, chest.

Hidan shot Kakuzu another dirty look. Kakuzu barely noticed a thing; unflustered, his eyes remained glued to the screen.

Hidan growled. Hidan coughed. Hidan poked Kakuzu. Then Hidan had an idea…

“Hey Kakuzu. Why don’t we make a BET!” Hidan gave his signature smirk.

At the sound of the word “Bet” Kakuzu’s head swung to look at Hidan with interest.

“…Yes?”

“Let’s see who can survive longer without the television!”

“And what are we betting on?” Kakuzu was quick to ask. You already knew what was on his mind.

“Whoever loses, has to be uke for a week!” Hidan proclaimed, and evil glint in his eyes.

“I’M GOING TO PRETEND I DIDN’T HEAR THAT,” Sasori yelled from the kitchen. Whoops.

Kakuzu snorted. “Ridiculous. It would just prove that you can survive longer without Tyra because it’s BRAINLESS.” He turned his attention back to Oprah who was now telling Tom Cruise to stop jumping on her couch.

Hidan refrained from punching Kakuzu. “Winner gets to be seme and will receive ten dollars from the loser!”

“You’re on.”

They shook on it.

---

Minutes, hours, days, weeks passed.

While Hidan happily sacrificed butterflies in the garden, Kakuzu was suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Yes, Oprah withdrawal symptoms. Who knew that woman had such a big impact on the lives of blood-thirsty ninjas?

All lights off, windows shut, Kakuzu lay motionless on the couch, in front of the TV. It was 4p.m. Oprah time.

His face twitched. His leg twitched. His hand twitched.

Arghhhh.

He looked at the ancient clock that hung above the television. 4.01. The opening theme would be playing about now.

Arghhhh.

Kakuzu shut his eyes and imagined frolicking in heaps of money!~
His eyes made him check the clock once more. 4.02.

Arghhh.

He shut his eyes and strained to listen for footsteps or swear words being yelled at butterflies. Nothing. Could this be his chance…!!?

Kakuzu’ s hands stretched out to the holy remote control, lying innocently on the table. He picked it up, hands trembling. He felt the cool metal against his hand, relishing every moment. Then, he pressed the holy "ON" button.

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE OPRAH SHOW!!” Sweet Oprah boomed. Sweet, sweet Oprah! Kakuzu’s eyes were fixated on the screen, sweet Oprah...

“CAUGHT YOU, ‘KUZU!! HAHAHA!! SNEAKY BASTARD! UKE FOR A WEEEEEK!” Hidan shrieked, before using his scythe to whack Kakuzu out of his Oprah-trance.

Kakuzu’s hands went instinctively to his wallet.
Next he turned around to punch Hidan in the face.

Unfortunately for Kakuzu, Hidan had already began doing a happy-jig across the living room.

Hidan gave a smug smile and sang out, "UKE FOR A WEEEEK!"

Sasori walked past, with ear-plugs. Smart boy.

"...Do i have to give you the ten bucks?"